I do not lack motivation to get to the gym, to have a great workout, or to eat healthy. To be honest, I like working out and fueling my body with food that has nutritional value. Success story right? Well, wrong. I do however crave the occasional cheesy, grease laden pizza, a HUGE piece of cake, or a bowl of ice cream to eat my cake with, and maybe pour a bag of peanut M&M’s over. But I don’t do any of these. Like not even a little bit. You might be thinking that’s a good thing…and it really is, in a clog your arteries kind of way, but in a reality type of way, is it? Is it healthy?

Here’s the deal. I shy away big time from foods that we label “Bad.” Even though professionals say there’s no such thing as “Good” or “Bad” food, I label food, and I bet you do too in some form or another. Why do I do this? I’ve convinced myself that my ass will look like the size of a bus after a cupcake, or my stomach will be void of all muscle tone after a piece of pizza. Clearly this is not true. One meal will not do this to me, nor to you, so why do I “Think” like this. Well, because if you think something so many damn times you convince yourself it’s true. Now do I sit on my couch all day imagining my food with devil horns and halos? No, I really don’t. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I didn’t think so hard about what I put in my mouth, and occasionally just went with it.

BUT, I know how I would feel. GUILT. I know, you know what I’m talkin about. Then the self talk chimes in, clouds your brain, and all you can think about is how you probably should be waddling home instead of walking because indeed you look 7 months pregnant after that pizza. Oh and of course you’ll be hitting the gym first thing tomorrow morning. You’ll be at the gym before it even opens to get on a machine and sweat the cheese right out of your pores…and you know what, you’ll be back to your old self, and that’s when it hits you, “I can eat a piece of pizza, workout, and look the same!” So why the guilt and negative self talk? Because, just like any other habit or routine, if you tell yourself something more than 21x it begins to manifest itself into a huge monster that won’t go away. What to do? Well, that’s what I’m going to be working on. Practicing to change the way I talk to myself.

The thought isn’t about abandoning my healthy tendencies. I am to the point where this is my lifestyle, to change it would be to change me, and that’s not I want. I’ve become too routine to make this all go away, but I’ve also become too routine to make any changes, that’s what isn’t OK.

I have more confidence in myself than I did 5 years ago. I’m confident in my ability to be healthy, to help my friends and family with a little bit of advice in regards to food/exercise/nutrition, to make healthy choices for myself, and truly, this post may not reflect it, but I’m extremely proud of my body. I love how strong I’ve become, and I know it’s from my hard work in the gym and in my kitchen. But I want to be better. I want to continue on my path of health and nutrition, but like my mom said, “There’s more to being healthy than food and exercise, there’s your overall mind and spirit too.” She helped me see that being healthy embodies the entire self, not parts, not just the physical, but the whole being. So I may not go for that pizza, cheeseburger, or cupcake just yet, but when I do it will be without all the negativity. How do I know this? Because if I tell myself that I will be OK more than 21x, then I will start to believe it.